i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
