Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
