that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
