youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
