how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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