Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Semen is not good for contacts.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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