There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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