i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
