I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
