take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
