i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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