After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
