if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
