I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
