Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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