I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
