Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
