I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
