Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
