id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
