You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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