chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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