but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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