i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
