is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
