The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
