So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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