Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
as a side note pls kill me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
