So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Randomize
