i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
