So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm too high and old for this...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
