A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
two words...techno handjob
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
