Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
