i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
