I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
