shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
