Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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