What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I will be naked everywhere
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
