I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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