I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
