4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize