My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
