I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The Olympian is in my bed
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
