There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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