so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
