I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
