3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
