Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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