one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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