if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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