I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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