Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
