Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
