Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
