I wish my penis had an off switch
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
