dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
