Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
