Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
