Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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