Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
