yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Who wears a wallet chain?!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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