She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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